An email from FT... i called him out on "oversleeping" and missing mini-me's basketball practice,( that she had missed the weekend before b/c she was sick)... as well as giving up ALL of his visitation time over christmas... he didn't like it. Mini-me ultimately never had a lapse in insurance. I always had the option to back pay on Cobra, which he can't understand of course, b/c he's not an adult.... So here it is...
Yes it is...but I was just pointing out a big lack of responsibility on your part that I haven't been a dick about...until now. Thanks to your harsh words words and continued criticism....so here it goes....see if you can follow this logic since you Can't Understand Normal Thinking......
Don't throw your judgment around lest ye be judged yourself....last time I checked "Bobby and I" was not a health plan that I have ever heard of...furthermore...what if you die? How are you going to help Megan without Life insurance. Lets put those rocks down and keep the harsh judgments and words to ourselves. And if you and Bobby are a health plan, then you are not relying on the $$ I am giving you per the law of this state! You are just realizing that you made a mistake by quitting your job right before the holidays (Megan's B-day and X-mas) and during winter (when Megan is at her sickest). Don't you dare shake your finger at me. You are putting our daughter at immense risk right now with your decisions. Missing a B-ball practice that you missed last weekend anyway is pretty low in priority. God forbid something happen to either one of you right now. You can guarantee I would never forgive or forget to remind you every day of the rest of your life if one hair on our child's head was jeopardized by your selfish pettiness. You can utter whatever curses you want at me....but you know I am right. For someone who "sucks it up" and "does everything for Megan's sake" it sure seems like you are the one being selfish. I may not have health insurance right now for me, but at least I am worth 250,000 dead for Megan. It is your responsibility to have insurance on our child as the custodial parent. otherwise I will have Ann recalculate the CS again. You wanna continue to be a bitch, then fine. I will have my brother Jesse (and maybe even Lauren's Dad Bill who is also a very prominent lawyer too) shoved so far up your ass (and they will happily fuck you over for free on my behalf and if you can't afford what you say, then I don't know how you will be able to beat me in court with whatever lawyer you drum up), that I will end up with Full custody and you with visitation by the time it is all said and done. You wanna fight me on this one bitch...then do it...I fucking dare you....you wanna get Bobby to give me a call again or another nasty email and straighten me out...do that too...I'll jerk a knot in his "country" ass and show him something I should have a long time ago. I am tired of your criticism....your constant berating....you fucked up and have awoken a sleeping giant....I may have been wrong not to take Megan to B-ball...but lets prioritize the situation. I have been pretty damn nice so far and I know I am not perfect...but don't you dare pull this holier than thou bitch shit on me again for something as benign as this....I know it was important for her.....
With that said, your move darlin'....I will let this pass, so long as not one more ill word or snooty/snarky remark comes out of your mouth or B's mouth or anyone affiliated with you today or any time soon for that matter. You better readjust your attitude before you really make me mad. I care the world for our daughter. You know that. I am putting $150 in the child support account tomorrow to pay for healthcare as a measure of good faith of what I should have been doing while this child support stuff was up in the air. I admit that I haven't done everything in my power to help, but I haven't jeopardized our daughter's well being like you are right now. Fix the healthcare situation soon, or I will make it priority #1 to make your life a living hell...if you think I am bluffing or incapable, then just try me. All you have to do is get a BCBS basic plan to cover mini-me's general health...thats it. I am sure B would appreciate not having you pull money away from his kids to pay for a 600-1000 ear infection bill two to three times this fall/winter/early spring or even worse...what if she was to be diagnosed with cancer or something horrible like that without health insurance god forbid.
Ball is in your court now. Play nice with me and do what I am asking, and all will remain as is and this will pass with no more said. Don't play nice and I will set the ball rolling for a hell on earth the likes of which you have never experienced from me. Not a threat, but a bonified reality if you fuck with me on this one in the slightest. Understand?
And then when I responded with an oh, so polite, f-you.... I got this....
Watch your tone. I don't care who you use. I am only trying to protect our daughter from her own mother's irresponsibility towards her greater well being. You are walking a very fine line. Don't test me. You think you are so smart, but don't test me. I will make your life a living legal hell, and you know I have every resource and a world of motivation to do it. Divorce or not, there are a multitude of ways around that petty little contract if you have the resources (that I just became aware of from talking to Bill before I sent that email to you). I did't want to make empty promises anymore. I figured you had enough of those when we were married. This means I am serious this time whether you want to push back or not. I have every means to destroy you Susan, and you don't, so by all means keep fucking with me. Is that really what you want for our daughter? Put that big fat ego of yours aside and check your mouth at the door before you open it in my direction ever again, you understand me?
Your snide remarks to me and Lauren end today. And that goes for your lapdog Bobby too. And all this time I cowered thinking that divorce document had teeth. It is just a laymans divorce. I faxed it to Bill and he laughed. He said that I was ultimately stupid to sign it, but that it is not a document that cannot ever be altered. How do you think my dad got custody of his children? Gonna run it by Jesse this evening to see what he thinks as far as NC law is concerned. From what we gathered this afternoon, I have a pretty damn great shot given the nature of my legal resources and the lack of you to out-sustain what I will throw at you if you don't cool your jets. Breath easy knowing that all you have to do is be nice to me and get over yourself and do what I asked you to do. I will do my best to do what you have asked of me and give you the respect you deserve and the money I owe you. I know you are mad at my words, but get over yourself and move on and lets make this work for our daughter. You don't have the power you think you do, so don't make this worse for yourself.
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Friday morning bright and early at Walmart when they open at 5 am!
FT gave up his scheduled Thursday night with mini-me to go out of town for the weekend with his GF. Whatever, nothing new. He told me that it was a "free" trip but we all know - nothing is ever free. He has been unable to pay his childsupport for a while now, but can go on a romantci get away?
AND he comes back ENGAGED. So my daughter doesn't get money from her dad that is court ordered, but her future step mother can get a diamond ring. Love it.
In all honesty I'm happy that they are settling down - it's what is best for mini-me. But still, he just will never have his priorities in order. never.
A conversation last night with 5 year old mini-me. I am determined to convince her that she DOES NOT want a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. That place is Hades on Earth and always in the worst possible areas of towns. regardles.... here's a funny minime-ism.
Me: "So Minime I was thinking we could have your birthday party at Kids Clubhouse."
Minime: *said in a very smart alec tone* "Ummmm wellll, I was thinking we could have it at Chuck E. Cheese."
me: "If you have it at Chuck E. Cheese you can only invite 10 kids. If you have it at Kids Clubhouse you can invite your whole class AND your cousins"
Minime: "Well ok now I"m thinking Kids Clubhouse"
Me: "Yeah, it will be fun with the jumphouses and all the space - everyone can run around and go nuts."
Minime: "no mommy, they won't go nuts... they will go bananas. Nuts are too hard."
People tell me that you’re still “here”… looking down on us, but it’s not the same. I want to call you and tell you that Mini-me lost her 2nd tooth and spit it across the kitchen. That she said her tooth fairy money smelled like the tooth fairy… That she wants to wear cowboy boots for gym class. That she can read! That her teacher told me how smart she is, how polite she is and how she just loves everyone. I want to share that pride with you, because you deserve to feel that pride too. She’s part your creation too. You would be so proud of how beautiful, loving, sassy, out-going, smart and silly she is. She’s all the best of all of us and more.
She sometimes cries for you… misses you…. Asks about you… and she can’t fully remember you , just what I tell her – which is a lot! But I know it’s because you’re a huge part of her heart. You showed her so much love in the time you had with her and it will stay with her forever.
I get so angry sometimes that mini-me, Z, M and C will never really know their grandmother. In my opinion, the one grandmother that could give them the most….. the most everything that they would need. J was so lucky to have you for as long as he did….. you were certainly a foundation of support and hope for him.
I get so angry at you for not taking care of yourself, angry that Daddy didn’t see that you were sick, angry at me for not pushing you to take care of yourself, angry at me for being such a wreck before you were sick… and while you were sick…..angry for making you think you didn't have time for you... and angry at medical science for not having a cure yet. Angry at God for taking you… for putting us through this…. It’s not helpful, but it all hurts. I just wish I could change it all.
You saw me struggle so long with FT…. To try to make it work and you stood quietly by (most of the time) supporting my decisions to stay and try to make it work. You endured his selfishness and immaturity right along side of me. You tried to be the mentor he needed and you loved him as a son even though I think you wanted to kill him most of the time. I wanted to make you proud with a traditional family…. Be the wife and mother you had been…. But I finally realized that’s not what you want me to do. Bunk tradition and conformity to “norms”… that’s not the Nancy I knew.
So now, I’m so saddened that you can’t know LOML. You can’t see how genuinely happy I am…. The peace that I have found within myself which lets me be happy with him. You and I were at a wedding one time… and the couple was so genuinely in love and happy…. And you said to me, “I just want you and G to find that kind of love.” I have, Mama. I really have and I want you to see it, be a part of it, have the joy that I have from it.
LOML jokes that he knows you because from what I tell him – and everyone else tells him – we are so alike. He sees how I am with Mini-meand knows how you were with me. At times he is so frustrated with our ways, but he loves me anyway…. LOML is the man you have always wanted me to find.
I wish you were here to meet MP and JP. 2 more children I know you would accept and love as your own. 2 more children for you to spoil and drive me crazy with buying them things that they don’t need. I know you would come to love all their strengths, quirks, weaknesses just as you did with all of us. I want to share all the trials and tribulations of combining 2 families and all the ups and downs. I want to call you for advice on how to handle it all, but I already know what you would say.
"Smile, be yourself, go with the flow and never let them see you cry. Oh and never forget if someone falls down… Don’t move them! It’s always a head injury, right?? "
Mama, I know you’re out there somewhere. I have to believe that you can see me and hear me. It’s the only thing that eases the hurt. I’m not quite certain of how that all works yet, but I have to have hope that what I tell Mini-me is true. You’re in heaven, we’ll see you again someday. She can’t understand why you can’t “come down” to visit or “come back” like she wants, but hopefully she and I will figure it out one day and see you again.
I miss you, Mama. I’m not sure that it will ever get any easier to accept. I get better at coping, I suppose, but there will always be an empty place in my life without you here.
So this blog seems to be turning out to be a place to gripe about FT... oh well. It's my blog and I'll do what I want to.
Mini-me had basketball this saturday morning. FT overslept and didn't take her. What the hell.
he just will never grow up.
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I have already used evite to invite family to our pre-thanksgiving. And God bless the internet for finding good recipes... I'll be looking for one for sweet potato casserole.
So FT is an abbreviation for a not so nice name for my ex-husband. I'll let you figure that one out based on previous posts.
I've been asking him for several weeks to let me know some ideas on how to work Christmas vistations this year. Besides us having to split time with mini-me... LOML has to split time with his exwife... there's his parents, her parents, my parents, FT's parents. It's all very complicated.
We he sure did make it freaking easier for me, but DAMN he wins father of the year in my book. He has decided to leave Christmas eve to go to NY with his girlfriend and come back on the 28th, thus giving up any visitation time with mini-me for Christmas and also giving up his entire scheduled weekend.
First and foremsot this pisses me off, b/c she's only at this special age for a few years where Christmas is so magical and soooo exciting. He's just giving up the opportunity to be a part of that.
But also, he just TOLD me that's what he was doing. No discussion as to what we could make work regarding Christmas. BUT like I said, it make it's easier on me and I don't have to share mini-me this year, which I'm excited about.
I'm just so disappointed for her. I know this wont' be the last disappointment she will face and I think she's still kind of young enough to not really be disappointed. He said he wanted to give her a gift on the 22nd or afterwards if he had to. So he'll "celebrate" with her..... but at some point she's going to know... if she doesn't already.
Most days when I drop her off for school and tell her she's staying with Daddy that night, you can just see the sadness in her face. She tells me she doesn't want to go there because all they do is watch tv. I know that's not entirely true, but obviously it's not her favorite place to be. I jsut wish I could keep her home with me where I don't have to worry about her feelings being hurt or her feeling disregarded.
I can't even really get mad about it anymore. Add this t othe fact that I still haven't seen a cent of child support in 6 weeks..... a real winner.
Thank God that mini-me has so many other people in her life to make her feel loved and safe.... including LOML as a good male role model.
I'm working for a Web Design company now... trying to sell some website designs. Doesn't everyone need a website? And a professional to design it??
It's somewhat of a start up company. So far, I haven't done much for the last 2 weeks but at least I'm getting paid to be here. It's not straight commission. What amazes me is the people that they have hired to work here.... not all of them, but a select few. They must have seriously exaggerated on their resumes and/or interviewed extremely well.
How can you work for a web design/hosting company and not understand a lot of the basics of the freakin' internet?!
I know I'm jaded with where I have worked for the last 6 years and I have my own personal IT guy living in my house. I know that I am a little ahead of the curve when it comes to computers, but jeez!! Ok that's my vent for the day.
"It's a great day for ducks!" - Nancy Doss
Weather sucks, but that's ok. Life is good. Thanksgiving is coming and it makes me think about all the things I'm thankful for. My life has come a long way in the last few years and it's certainly better than it has ever been - regardless of any set backs that have come along the way.
I'm thankful for:
A daughter that never ceases to amaze me with her wit, charm and intelligence
A man that genuinely loves me and my daughter and understands that Claussen pickles are not a luxury, but a necessity.
2 extra bonus kids in my life that are sweet, giving, funny, lovable and resilient
A roof over my head and groceries in the pantry
High heels
pants with stretch and forgiving waist bands
Nice and Easy hair color
Prozac and Wellbutrin
A family that loves me no matter what crazy decisions I make
an ex husband that for the most part I can get along with in regards to raising our daughter (it could always be worse)
having a job in this economy, and a man that understands why i had to quit a good paying one....
the personality and tenacity I have inherited from my mom - even if sometimes I can't believe I am so much like her!
and most of all, I'm thankful for the life I have... the ability to get up everyday and enjoy the people I love... wherever they may be at that time. It's my complicated life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
What was your favorite class in high school? (And no, lunch doesn't count.)
I really enjoyed a creative writing class I took as an elective my sophomore year. I was able to get a lot of crazy teenage emotions out in that class without being judged. I made a lot of good friends in there as well.... people that in high school, my path probably wouldn't have normally crossed.
Of course half of that class was SAT prep - that part wasn't so fun, but I suppose it helped. I rocked it out on my SAT's, if I do say so myself.
I also really loved all 4 years of spanish in high school. It was a lot a party most of the time and it challenged me unlike other classes. :-)
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Susie Q said:
People do let you down... that is for sure. :-) read more
on I've got to have somewhere to get it all out -
Susie Q said:
I didn't mean to make you cry!!! :-) Friends like you help me with this day to day struggle. :-) read more
on A note to Mama -
Pope Tracy said:
Oh, Susan. I wish I could hug you right now. I'm crying so hard. That was beautifully written. I wish... read more
on A note to Mama -
OMG! He's a prick. Seriously has some issues. I would LOVE to see him get lawyers shoved so far up... read more
on A few snippets of what I deal with.